The Struggle of Quitting

At some point in our lives we will have developed an addiction, know/n someone with an addiction and have helped them overcome their addiction.

I have had a addiction and I could definitely say that I do still have an addiction.

Now my addiction is not smoking or drugs but video games. Video game addiction is a real thing and I have been fighting it since my late teens. Instead of doing my homework I would jump on the PC and play at least three hours of Age of Empires, then after dinner spend more time on Call of Duty or even more Age of Empires.

My addiction to games, particularly Age of Empires led to sessions where I played for nine to ten hours straight; without breaks. Playing from the early morning to the late evening.

My behaviour patterns changed alongside my mood and attitude. I found myself drawn to wards electronic entertainment as if I needed it. That if I did not get my fill for the day I could not function at peak capacity; that I would starve, not sleep. But the reality was that my gaming was leading me not to sleep, not to eat or drink; and when I did eat and did drink I would eat all that was bad for me.

Litres of soft drink and kilograms of potato chips, alongside massive amounts of chocolate. My brain was constantly active during sessions and when I did sleep and had a really deep sleep was due to absolute exhaustion. Unhealthy eating and living led to illnesses galore.

videogame addiction

I started on the path to get better as my doctor informed me that without change I was looking at health problems before I reached twenty five. I would like to believe that I am better. I still play video games but no longer to the extent that I would waste entire weekends or holidays.

Quitting can be quite tough. Smoking is one of the most common addictions people can have and quitting is incredibly hard. The nicotine in cigarettes and other smoking implements are the addictive element. The damage done to your body is through the chemicals you inhale and your body absorbs from inhaling the smoke.

I won’t go into the exact details¬† but when I was informed to change my lifestyle I was told that I could suffer diseases and ailments that smokers would later suffer thanks to their habit. I had lost loved ones to smoking and even having family who kicked the habit only after suffering the ill effects; effects to this day they pay for.

 

Quitting out right is almost impossible. Cold turkey does work but for most it will only lead relapse. I tried cold turkey to solve my addiction and it failed thanks to an afternoon with nothing to do. So instead I tried cutting down the amount of hours I played each fortnight, then each week, until finally each day.

Reading this it may sound easy but it was not. Each comma marks a space of several months; even a full year. It was incredibly difficult to do. Going through this I would like to help people overcome their addictions if and when I can. Sure video game addiction doesn’t sound as bad as smoking but they are both addictions and have great impacts on your life and the people around you.

 

Whenever I see a packet of cigarettes or someone smoking I just picture them in hospital asleep as dozens of machines beep, whizz and whirr as they try to keep them alive. That is an image I saw when I was younger and I have never forgotten that.

After that appointment with the doctor I to thought about that image, what it would be like for my family and loved ones if I let my addiction consume me.

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Smoker or gamer doesn’t matter what matters is your life and health and living it to the full. You don’t have to take drastic measures and become overwhelmed. Just make small changes. Aim to not game for one day of the week. Then make it two and etc…

Same with smoking. two packets a day? Aim for one packet, then half… It takes multiple attempts to quit something you having been doing for such a long time and I understand how hard it is to change.

But the change is worth it and the only times I have looked back is to see just how far I have come; also to show others my progress. So they know that it is possible.

 

If there is one thing you should know is that fully quitting takes time and lots of it. But on those day when you feel like just smoking a packet or two or playing the day away; just know that you are not failing you are progressing and that there are people always willing to help you the whole way.

 

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I’m back

 

Guess who’s back

feeling fresh

Ramblings back and is here

Ramblings back, Ramblings back Ramblings back

I’ve been rolling around in my KV-1

Playing World of Tanks is so fun

Then I got the cold which made me feel so old

After wasting a fortnight hung up in bed

I found out that things had changed for the best

Life is better now I’m cured

And now I’m enjoying the cold weather whilst walking around my neighbourhood

Working out now I am shamed two weeks in bed has left me out of shape

But with the help of staff @Anytime Fitness Lanyon I’ll be back in shape

They are great in that way

Taryn inspires me to do my best everyday

Making me sweat for those days

I spent in bed or playing games

Getting better but fatter day by day

Venesa makes me smile

She is like sun and has more energy than uranium

Both of them will brighten up your day

Even when it is dark and pouring with rain

But they both know how to bring on that good, great, sweaty pain

This is were I’ll ended this rapping beat

Mostly becasue I need some sleep.

Lowe’s Ramblings- Easter

Firstly Happy Easter to you all.

Secondly, I hope you are all well.

Thirdly, Chocolate; how much chocolate did you get for Easter? Me, I got a chocolate R2-D2. I gave people small bags of mini Easter eggs as gifts. I doubt very much they saw the sunset today.

 

For me this Easter has been quite busy. I have gone out with family and friends for two days in a row. Once for dinner, then for lunch. The amount of food I have eaten, my goodness. I started off the haul of burning the pounds off by taking a long walk. Despite there being a public holiday tomorrow I will hit the gym as per my schedule.

 

This week should be most interesting as my Xbox is going into the repair shop. Hopefully they can fix what is wrong with it. I find it a blessing actually, makes me more focused on my writing and it means I don’t have to deal with the load of junk (putting it nicely) the gaming community I am a part of is shoving it’s members way.

I’d advise caution when asked to join them the members are friendly but leadership is very paranoid.

 

Still looking for a job and a girlfriend, with success in either category being very little to none at all; still I have hope for if I have none then that’s when I need proper help.

 

I got a friend request on social media. A person called Amy. I was that excited that I had gotten one I didn’t think that it was either a mistake or a joke. It is a pity but then again wouldn’t be the first time and it shall not be the last. Sending requests to random people is something I could never really do; it seems… well rude.

 

 

 

Moments of the Week

Fear to Strength

The first two days to this week were hard. It’s a definite that a relationship has sunk with all hands.

I was talking to someone about health, the chemicals that go in your body. I highlighted the horrible habit of smoking; with paint cleaner, bleach and petroleum fumes in each cigarette.

I figured out that I have a fear of people who smoke. The health aliments of smoking take years to occur but this has limited my engaging with people who do for I have seen first hand what smoking does and lost people because of it.

But now I have overcome this fear and this has given me a new strength and minus one more fear.

 

Strength to Confidence

With a new found strength I am now getting out there a talking to more people. People need help and I found out that people who are quitting smoking have a hard time and sometimes need a Rambling Lowe to just take their mind off of their struggle.

I would love nothing more than to help them out more but if just being there is enough for them, then I am more than happy to help.

164 sit up in a week and goals set for each week.

 

Confidence

I have confidence in myself as people have confidence in me.

I feel that I can walk tall no matter what and at least weather the storm whenever they hit. Damage can be done; but repaired and then continue on.

Happiness

I’m a very happy man. Sure things could be better but then again they are not worse. Old doors close, new doors open.

Go Lowe.

 

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Walking tall into the new week

 

 

 

My Turn

It is now my turn to feel pain.

I am alone now here, the people I saw on a regular basis now want no contact; the last blocking all forms of contact between us. So I am back where I started when I arrived in my new home. Alone and in the darkest pit of depression.

 

This week has been just a horror movie from beginning to end and it isn’t even Sunday yet. The only difference this time round is that my outer layer has changed. Did this change, change me? It is during our darkest of hours that our true strength comes alive. I get my strength to go on from the people around me and now having no one, even my first best friend gone… I would like to think that karma is hammering me with these blows. It has to be karma.

 

I am now alone. No friendly smile, no positive outlook and no idea what to do. AS long as I stay away from the bottle I won’t be back where I was two years ago. One bad week has undone two years of repair, revision and confidence building.

I only see darkness in the tunnel ahead and I haven’t a lamp to guide me.

Moments of the Week

Right/Wrong

And yet the line between is so thin.

 

Team Work

I play World of Tanks.

I am a member of a community and yet I prefer to play alone. The community is more of a social outlet than a gaming one. I like meeting new people. But when it comes to gaming I prefer to be alone.

When I play World of Tanks I am normally a hunter. Being with a group but picking my own targets or driving off on my own and finding my own way through the battle. There are rules in place in game or at least rules enforced by an honour system. If I can ambush the enemy by driving a tank down a mountain side, survive and destroy the enemy then I can. It is often seen in history that the only way beat asymmetrical warfare is to fight it yourself; and I take great pleasure destroy my clan mates who think a united attack can defeat experience.

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I spent a year and a half playing on the PC and many more after switching to the Xbox. I know how to fight alone.

giphytank
Rambling Lowe be like ‘Gotcha’

 

 

Reset
This week has been an absolute train wreck. Highs and lows galore but after the wild ride everything thing has come to a grinding and disastrous halt. A situation developed and I took steps that I believed to be right, but now after today I have witnessed the fallout and I wish that I could reset the week; start over.

 

But I cannot and despite the best of intentions I feel as if I am to blame for pushing someone to breaking point.I feel rotten as I have been there before and know of that pain and the person who is now there; they deserve none of it. I do believe that I am to blame, a part of it at least. I am not looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on; no that sentiment should be left to this person as they are in desperate need of it.

 
The rot I feel, looking at myself. Others have told me that I am a good man. I said my piece with the best intentions, I tried to work around the situation, I wish to resolve it.
The mark of a good man is a heavy burden as I feel absolute regret. I did not know that this person was near the end of their rope; if I had I would have proceed carefully, differently or not at all.

No matter what I make of this week all I want to do is shout out the big ‘F’ word for all to hear.

Talking is the best way forward and I hope that I can repair the damage that has been done.

 

Drinking 1
Just the bottle thanks

 

 

Boots, Books & the Box

Boots

I got a pair of boots. I have had them for a while but they look brand new for they are worth keeping.

I’ve worn them inside and outside

Hot and Cold

Day and Night

You’d think that they would make me stand out in the crowd, people would stare. Yes they do but end up accepting it as the world is a much bigger place.

Books

All of my knowledge comes from reading. No not really, life experience, observation and the ability to be in the right and wrong place at the right time has allowed me to be well educated. Books however is where I started. When I was four I was intrigued by the stories of Australia’s colonial past, then that of Great Britain’s Empire. Leading me to British history and military history.

During primary school most of my classmates were reading picture books still, but I found myself reading non fiction history books on ship building, railways and the Titanic.

During the high school years books were more important to me than people. People come and go, but books always remain. Despite reading so much I did still struggle.

The topics I am currently reading are the Meiji Restoration, The Roman Empire and historical fiction. All of which are quite fascinating and good reads.

the Box

The Xbox is fast becoming more of a DVD player than a game console. I watch TV shows and movies via Online streaming and videos on YouTube.

The games I only play are Star Wars Battlefront II, Fallout 4, Bioshock Collection and World of Tanks. I would like to play something that is fully immersive, with a great and believable story.

I like the fact however that I see the achievement of box jumping that the gym is more important to me that any achievement in the online world.

 

Moments of the Week

Been such a bad week; can’t possibly… no, no I am not going to say that for when I do things do get.. you know. Despite the bad I scraped up these two moments.

 

Injury

In the wars again.

Not literally.

No last weekend This Gorilla managed to destabilise his knee, resulting in a catastrophic loss of equilibrium, in other words I fell over. This was at the local Anytime. Despite a loud thud no one came to help.

This is what happens when you doing things on your own and outside of staffed hours.

For at least during staffed hours they (the staff) can call your emergency contact so you don’t hobble home like a zombie.

Even though I do not regret joining my local gym I think at least once a month or every six months they regret it.

Bonus to that as many of my family and friends know I will always keep you on your toes and nuttier than a bag of mixed nuts.

 

 

Bury the Hatchet

This week has brought upon all kinds of bad, negative energy and bad luck. Someone I have been in conflict for a time wanted to make peace; I agreed to bury the hatchet and start a new. Only after I had buried my hatchet did they do the same.

After only a day I had realised that they had indeed buried the hatchet but in my back as a last ‘hoorah’ for them before peace. This blind side has left me most depressed as I now question the legitimacy of what people say.

Last time I went down this path of thinking it took its toll.

 

 

At the end of this week all I want is not a tub of chocolate ice cream or the Star Wars Saga, but my friend. JC

 

 

Ramblings of Lowe

The Bad Day

Hi there all Rambling Lowe here and what a day it has been.

It has happened again.

After an entire year of have no major panic attacks I had one today. It was a busy day for them and a bad day for me. The result after the fact was them feeling no sense of shame or wrong doing and me on the floor, struggling to breathe, to speak. Waterfalls of tears stream down my face like water across rocks.

When this attack passed it was a long road to recover. The fact that I was in a situation that could have easily gone smoothly, but instead went from (pardon my language) f***ed to FUBAR in the space of a few hours.

At the end of the day I now realise that these people simply cannot keep what they promise. They do not sell what they advertise.

 

If cooler heads did not prevail than I’m sure that instead of FUBAR the situation would have turned Nuclear. It is just things are changing once again. In little over a year I have had three major changes happen. People who have changed or gone away, places that were once safe havens are now danger zones and my small group of allies, shrinking further.

The saddest thing is however is the fact that after a year and a half of working off my armour, the very thing that hides the warm gooey inside that is me is now being put back on. All because of one person, a misunderstood situation and a bad day.

 

 

 

Moments of the Week

It as taken me a month but I am now definitely in the groove of doing things. It has been a hell of a week and month. Now I hope you guys haven’t had such a roller coaster ride as I have had.

 

Drive and Focus

Key ingredients that are essential in work. Despite still not having a paying job and living off government benefits I am putting my all in writing. What drives me on further is that what I am writing I hope will inspire the imagination of many and get myself out on the national stage if not international. However at this moment that sort of driving is like being at Warp speed.

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When something stands in your way

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